Monday, 24 April 2017

I am

I am the girl that always got a high grades even though she never said a single thing in class ..

I am the girl who would never intentionally do it , but would steal the guy you liked from you..

I am the girl that your boyfriend cheats with...

I am that girl who is never convinced​ that she's thin enough and starves herself because she hopes she's as pretty  as the  people in the magazines...

I am all of you ay I'm here to tell you that no matter what you do it will never be enough ..
Let's start with stealing...

I used to think that guys in leather jackets riding a motorbike with long black hair were the ideal boyfriend. I was 16 and I figured this is what I needed in life
One of my best friends at the time she made friends with this guy ...let's call him Steve .
Steve rode a motorbike. he had black hair and he was the coolest guy ever. I didn't know my best friend like him I just thought he was a friend and when he started talking to me more than he talked to her she got upset and i felt like it wasn't my fault it was his choice who he spoke to And if He chose to speak to me then why was she so upset?
I went to a party.
Everyone there was Male apart from me and my best friend.
It felt cool to begin with that we were the only females invited
But then I started to see that we wasn't there because they want to be friends we were there because they thought they would get something from us.
I was a virgin at the time and i remember my best friend telling everybody this and me being absolutely mortified ...
I was glad she did. They seemed to stop the touching then..
Motorbike guy was there and to this day it ruined my perceptions of motorbike guys.
I used to think they were rough and ready beautiful men
This guy showed me that they could be vulnerable, emotional, depressed men. It's not what I wanted...

So I spoke to this guy much to My Friends annoyance and I figured he wasn't one for me. 
It was like a rude Awakening that not all guys that road motorbikes were cool, Young laid back man...
And it was from then on that I realised that things aren't as easy as it seems and friends don't forgive you for flirting with the guys they like even if you don't know that they like them ...

I think since then I've been cursed...
I seem to only attract married men and when I do think I found something good they turn out to be so emotionally scarred​and no where I need them to be relationship wise...
So here I am
There is a guy, he sometimes shows interest and other time acts like I don't exist and I know I deserve more but I really like him but I know he doesn't feel the same.
Yet I keep going back
Even though I know he does not want me
And I feel like an idiot but I don't know what to do

There's more to the story but I'm too drunk to tell it because I spend most of my life drunk nowadays

I'm sure I have a problem
I'm taking 13 different pills a day to control my weight loss I don't care what happens but I need to lose weight at least and have control

Signing out

Thursday, 20 April 2017

The start of New Beginnings

Rule 1: Lose Weight
Rule 2: Stop caring about people who dont care about you
Rule 3: Make more of an effort to socialize

These are my new rules.
I feel like i need some structure in my life, im always just floating through the days never really achieving my full potential.
Im also way to invested in people who are the 'drains' of the world whereas im far too much of a 'radiator' (great analogy that).
Plus i never make time to see my friends, i love my hobbies but they are all very isolated types f activities and i need to make sure im getting some human interaction, especially since i work around death every day.

Im tackling Rule 1 first as this is the biggest change and also the hardest in some ways and will take the longest to achieve.
I swear everyone wants to lose weight these days. Most dont actually need to, they just need to tone up and im not saying im morbidly obese by any means. I just want for the first time in my life to be able to wear a bikini... Hell , even wearing a one-piece swimsuit in public would be good, and something i have never done.

Im gonna start on a friday because i swear starting on a monday is a curse.. so tomorrow i will start...
and oh yes... im using anything i can to help aid with weight loss.

So the first products ill be trying are the T5 Raspberry Ketone Serum of which you eat 1ml a day until you build up a tolerance and then increase to 2 1ml doses a day. PLUS the T5 fat burner patch which im gonna admit, ive not got high hopes for!
Still we shall see! I  also have some capsules coming which claim to help you lose weight in a week! 
I am not convinced XD

That combined with excersice and the Exante diet shakes should HOPEFULLY give me some results by July! 3 months people....why u ask? because ill be 24 in July and i want a beach party where i wont be mistaken for a beached whale XD
good times..

signing out ...