Monday, 24 April 2017

I am

I am the girl that always got a high grades even though she never said a single thing in class ..

I am the girl who would never intentionally do it , but would steal the guy you liked from you..

I am the girl that your boyfriend cheats with...

I am that girl who is never convinced​ that she's thin enough and starves herself because she hopes she's as pretty  as the  people in the magazines...

I am all of you ay I'm here to tell you that no matter what you do it will never be enough ..
Let's start with stealing...

I used to think that guys in leather jackets riding a motorbike with long black hair were the ideal boyfriend. I was 16 and I figured this is what I needed in life
One of my best friends at the time she made friends with this guy ...let's call him Steve .
Steve rode a motorbike. he had black hair and he was the coolest guy ever. I didn't know my best friend like him I just thought he was a friend and when he started talking to me more than he talked to her she got upset and i felt like it wasn't my fault it was his choice who he spoke to And if He chose to speak to me then why was she so upset?
I went to a party.
Everyone there was Male apart from me and my best friend.
It felt cool to begin with that we were the only females invited
But then I started to see that we wasn't there because they want to be friends we were there because they thought they would get something from us.
I was a virgin at the time and i remember my best friend telling everybody this and me being absolutely mortified ...
I was glad she did. They seemed to stop the touching then..
Motorbike guy was there and to this day it ruined my perceptions of motorbike guys.
I used to think they were rough and ready beautiful men
This guy showed me that they could be vulnerable, emotional, depressed men. It's not what I wanted...

So I spoke to this guy much to My Friends annoyance and I figured he wasn't one for me. 
It was like a rude Awakening that not all guys that road motorbikes were cool, Young laid back man...
And it was from then on that I realised that things aren't as easy as it seems and friends don't forgive you for flirting with the guys they like even if you don't know that they like them ...

I think since then I've been cursed...
I seem to only attract married men and when I do think I found something good they turn out to be so emotionally scarred​and no where I need them to be relationship wise...
So here I am
There is a guy, he sometimes shows interest and other time acts like I don't exist and I know I deserve more but I really like him but I know he doesn't feel the same.
Yet I keep going back
Even though I know he does not want me
And I feel like an idiot but I don't know what to do

There's more to the story but I'm too drunk to tell it because I spend most of my life drunk nowadays

I'm sure I have a problem
I'm taking 13 different pills a day to control my weight loss I don't care what happens but I need to lose weight at least and have control

Signing out

Thursday, 20 April 2017

The start of New Beginnings

Rule 1: Lose Weight
Rule 2: Stop caring about people who dont care about you
Rule 3: Make more of an effort to socialize

These are my new rules.
I feel like i need some structure in my life, im always just floating through the days never really achieving my full potential.
Im also way to invested in people who are the 'drains' of the world whereas im far too much of a 'radiator' (great analogy that).
Plus i never make time to see my friends, i love my hobbies but they are all very isolated types f activities and i need to make sure im getting some human interaction, especially since i work around death every day.

Im tackling Rule 1 first as this is the biggest change and also the hardest in some ways and will take the longest to achieve.
I swear everyone wants to lose weight these days. Most dont actually need to, they just need to tone up and im not saying im morbidly obese by any means. I just want for the first time in my life to be able to wear a bikini... Hell , even wearing a one-piece swimsuit in public would be good, and something i have never done.

Im gonna start on a friday because i swear starting on a monday is a curse.. so tomorrow i will start...
and oh yes... im using anything i can to help aid with weight loss.

So the first products ill be trying are the T5 Raspberry Ketone Serum of which you eat 1ml a day until you build up a tolerance and then increase to 2 1ml doses a day. PLUS the T5 fat burner patch which im gonna admit, ive not got high hopes for!
Still we shall see! I  also have some capsules coming which claim to help you lose weight in a week! 
I am not convinced XD

That combined with excersice and the Exante diet shakes should HOPEFULLY give me some results by July! 3 months people....why u ask? because ill be 24 in July and i want a beach party where i wont be mistaken for a beached whale XD
good times..

signing out ...

Monday, 22 February 2016

Lush Goodies

Lush Handmade Cosmetics

Oh sweet Jesus... 
How had i walked passed this shop on multiple occasions, basked in the heavenly scent and then just walked away without even having a quick gander inside...??

This. Shop. Though..


From the staff to the products... i use the Norwich store and its right in the main part of the city, you cant miss it... its within walking distance of a Primark...and if you're out shopping, of course you cant miss it...who shops and doesn't go in to a Primark?
Not me..

So anyway, my skin was awful. Its sensitive, but also does not like products designed for sensitive skin, take Simple, for example...
That shizz makes my skin so tight and dry i feel like if i so much as smile my face will crack.
Twas a rainy day and i ventured into a Lush store on a whim (and mainly to irritate my mother as she cant stand strong scents haha) thinking, what could they do for me??

Id been in a Lush in Lincoln when i was at uni, to get some soap, mainly so my room would smell great as these products let of quite the pleasant pong... this was my first time in a Lush store and i left with a wedge of soap that had a multitude of currents stuck in the end and another block of pink soap which the dude just gave me...a freebie? For moi?? Yaaaas bitch...

This time however, i was on a mission. My dry, flaky, huge pore afflicted skin needed a good ex-foliation and moisture mask at the same time...

Immediately i was greeted by a lady who asked me if i needed help, and instead of the usual ''no thanks, im fine!'' rhetoric i normally spout, only to then search aimlessly on my own rather than admit i do need help, I asked for her to find me something to de-scale my face.

She showed me a few products, asked me what my skin was like, and then recommended the product that has changed my life!!

This, my invisible internet friends, is my new favourite beauty product i own...



First of all, can i just say, this smells like...i cant even...
Its my new favourite smell!
Its sweet, but not sickly, its like caramel, but with more vanilla and a dash of cinnamon...
If they bottled this as a scent id never buy another... im really hoping they do a face cream, body butter, foot cream, soap or anything that has this smell just so i can just smoother myself in it... I wanna go smell it now... seriously...  i think im addicted...

So as you've figured, its called: ''Let the good times roll'' and its a face scrub/exfoliator/cleanser/whatever you wanna call it and you get 100g of handmade, vegan, cruelty free product for just £6.95!!

The website says: 
''This face and body cleanser is a gentle treat for the skin, leaving you soft to the touch with a buttery popcorn fragrance. Maize flour and polenta gently exfoliate, whilst cinnamon powder stimulates and leaves you feeling fresh and revived, with beautifully soft skin. This gentle yet scrubby cleanser will soothe and soften your skin, giving it a natural glow.'' 

It has only 10 ingredients including Corn oil, Polenta and Cinnamon, it is self preserving, and it scrubs and softens at the same time...genius!

Its a strange consistency, a good kind of strange though. Its like a putty but that crumbles when you pull it apart. It keeps itself semi moist, and basically, you take a piece, put in in the palm of your hand, add some water till it forms a paste and then wipe that good stuff all over your face and prepare for greatness and miracles... or at least it was for me!

Now im not gonna lie, this does make my face a bit red but i put this down to me going a bit overboard with how much i use and how vigorously i scrub away at my scales...

This product takes all my flakes away, leave my skin feeling refreshed and smooth and for the first time, i have a scrub that doesn't leave my face feeling ravaged, sore or tight.

I am in love.
Now i always moisturise after a scrub as that seems like a good idea, but i feel like if i didn't, my skin wouldn't hate me.
Also whilst i was in Lush, the lady gave me a sample of moisturiser to let me test to see if it would compliment my skin type.

She gave a little pot of Skin Drink and what can i say? Im blown away again, it really leaves my skin feeling nourished and soft and moisturised, and unlike other face creams ive used, this feeling lasts throughout the day. I think i will purchase the full size pot. My only slightly negative on this product is the smell. Its so not a big deal but since my other product smelled so good i think this just paled in comparison. Its a very, very faint smell. Its a fresh almost rose smell, but a very natural smelling cream. Its not bad, its just not my taste...
Like i said, i want everything in my life to smell like buttery, caramel popcorn!!
So maybe ill see if they have a cream like this, but with my fave smell instead!

All in all, best purchase ive made in a while
5/5: Top points for both of these products
Definitely will repurchase and recommend to anyone with dry skin!

You can purchase them here:

Do it, seriously...i can now say goodbye to flaky, tight, dry skin!


Wednesday, 17 February 2016

Puppies and Dollies and Drawings

I swear, i always intend on writing posts and then when i go to do it... youtube distracts me!

Anyway, so much has happened. Ive been relocated at work into the city.
My best friend has had a baby.
My dog has had 4 beautiful puppies.
Ive regrown my hair out into a bob (ha! screw you mullet stage!)
and so much more!

Ive considerably downsized my makeup collection. I had over 100 lipsticks, about 50 eyeshadows, and millions of mascaras, liners, and foundations id never even used.. 
Luckily for me my best mates little sister has just come to the age where makeup is intriguing but unaffordable whilst in high school! 
Ah i remember being a teenager...i have no idea where that times gone..i genuinely forgot how old i was the other day...not good.
Im left with some high end stuff which im happy with and have promised not to go mad and buy more...mainly because the funds i was using to feed my makeup habit has now funded my Living Dead Doll obsession...and thats even more expensive!!!

Whilst on that subject, who would like to see a post on what dolls i have and if i think they are worth it?

I also make my own dolls... yes... ive become even creepier making creepy dollies in my spare time...

I found an awesome makeup company which is vegan called Lunatik Lab Cosmetics, bought a few bits which are awesome!! Ill have to take some pictures and do a review..

Well, ill shut up and leave you with some of my latest artwork =)
oh and my christmas makeup ;) i was a deer haha
So pleased how it turned out!

HALF ALIVE: Because drawing nice things isnt what i do

Arna FROZEN copic from outline to ink!




Monday, 30 March 2015

Milani Lipsticks and Benefit mascara!

Howdy friends. 

So i recently purchased a few products that i just had to share!
Let me just start off by saying, Milani Lipsticks are the best lipsticks i have ever tried, Benefit's They're Real mascara is nice, but so not worth the hype, 
Sound interesting? Keep reading..

So to start...Milani... hard to come by in the UK ive noticed, i purchased mine via as add on items.

And now...I want them all.

Awesome packaging.

Now i dont know about you but for a product that costs £3.89 per bullet i did not expect this quality packaging! Its so shiny and pretty and sturdy! LOVE IT.  I want to replace all my lipsticks with Milani ones...thats how much im in love.

 Ive recently been obsessed with purple lipstick. I want the perfect purple... or deep burgundy... As you can see from above, i picked up 3 shades...
Violet Volt is a pink toned purple, in most lights it appears purple, however it can look pinkish, which is ok because its so pretty! Its has a creamy consistency however this lasts HOURS and im talking...hours... i applied base/lipliner nothing, and it lasted from 8 in the morning up till 5 that afternoon and thats with eating and drinking in between!!!!!!
Sangria is a dark plum / burgundy lipstick, its strange in that it feels like a matte but has a sheen almost, its not drying at all and applies beautifully! Its a little harder to work with than Violet volt, but i think thats because it isnt as creamy. I would recommend lipliner with this one as its such a strong colour. Again staying power is phenomenal.
Chilled Brandy is what it is! It looks like brandy!  Its a rust toned red with warm undertones and alhough again, applies like a matte, it has a beautiful iridescent shimmer to it which really accentuates the lips. Probably the driest of the three, but in no way dehydrating, again, because of the texture, bit harder to work with and a lip liner would be good!

Left to Right
Chilled Brandy
Violet Volt

 I cant stress how much i love these... i have no complaints..NONE. Go buy them before i order all the stock amazon has!

So Benefit have a cult classic mascara ive been wanting to try since forever, so i caved and bought it.

''They're Real'' Mascara is supposed to do basically all you want from a mascara, lengthens, volumises, curls all that shizzle...

Is it a good mascara? Yes.
Does it do what it says? Sort of.
Would i repurchase? Probably not.

And why since everyone raves about it??

Well.... First of for £18 i expected...more. The brush was ok, a decent sized silicone one, nothing special.
The formula is very wet but dries quick, on naked lashes, it does indeed lengthen, and volumise. However, day 2 with this mascara is awful... second coats of this stuff are a big no no, its fine if you want to touch up while its still wet but the minute its dried and you try to build more volume my lashes clumped so bad.
Maybe it because i dont remove every single trace of product off my lashes at night so it could be that. But no other mascara ive used has ever clumped my lashes as badly as this one did!
Saying that i do like it... but im not blown away.
7/10 for this one...
(no mascara has ever beat the amazingness of Rimmel Scandeleyes Show Off mascara!)


Up next! Why I purposefully purchased one real mac lipstick (over the counter and not on-line to ensure it was genuine)  and one fake, so i could compare and see how to avoid this mistake in the future!



Saturday, 7 February 2015

Alternative Lipstick Haul!!

So I've been on a hunt for the perfect purple lipstick. I'm talking Cadbury kinda purple, a true plum, no pink tones deep rich kinda colour that you see only on runways and glossy magazines... But I've been looking for one on a budget!

So I know Urban Decay does a whole fabulous range of alternative colours as does Mac, however they don't quite meet the "budget" criteria.

So I Googled, and low and behold I did it!

Beauty on a budget, but not just your run of the mill kinda makeup, the alternative, bright colours you always wanted to wear but never felt confident enough to wear! The gothic glam shades you long to wear, all for less than the price of a cinema ticket.

Damn straight!

Let me start by introducing the make, it's called Makeup Revolution and to give you a quick summary of what they're like think affordable like MUA but with enough quality and colour range of Sleek makeup!

I invested in 6 lipsticks from different ranges and here be those:

So as you can see they had different ranges such as Lip Geek, Atomic, Scandalous and Vamp. The only one that came boxed was the lip geek one so I'll start with that!!


 This is called "Barbie is jealous" and with good reason! It's an awesome pink, very bold and bright, I wouldn't quite call it a proper barbie pink as it's more on the fuschia/ hot pink side, however it's still eye catching and a great one to have! This was the only one that doesn't really fall under the alternative category but hey ho you gotta have a hot pink lipstick in your bag!


This baby here is called 'Serpent'. It's almost metallic, and is a jade green when applied!  I mean come on! It's green! And although it may take some getting used to it is pretty awesome!  I'd say it's only downfall is that it's creamy to the point of creating patches which is a shame but that can be fixed either with layering it with a lip liner or topping it with a green powder!


This is by far my favourite and is named 'Depraved' it is a blue toned lilac colour that rreminds me of marshmallows for some reason and it applies wonderfully. New fave here!!


This baby is named 'Make it right' and is the perfect deep richly coloured Cadbury purple you always wanted!  I seriously love this again, it has the same problem as Serpent but again this can be fixed with the same solutions!


 Now this one took me by surprise a little! It's quite shimmery and is more pink than purple but still retains some warm lilac hues. This baby is called 'Make me Magnificent Magnificent' and is the most subtle of lipsticks I bought today. It's not as richly coloured as the others but still gives a nice looking to the lips without being too bold, I'd recommend this one to those who want to start experimenting with purples but don't know where to start!

'Rebel without a Cause' is again more pink toned purple but a deeper almost red tone one the lips, it's quite vampy but still wearable for every day life, colour payoff is great too. Possibly my least favourite just because I expected more from it, it's one of those 'looks great in the bullet but on the lips is completely different ' kinda lipsticks.

And now, the obligatory swatches!!


With flash! Top to bottom:
Depraved, Make me Magnificent, Make it right, Rebel with a Cause, Serpent and Barbie is Jealous.
Without flash 
So what did it cost me? Well all of these lipsticks cost me just £6.99 oh yeah you read that right!  All of the black cased lipsticks were just £1!! The makeup geek one was £1.99!! Did I do good or what?!

Would I repurchase?  Well duh?! For that price why wouldn't I?!



Sunday, 25 January 2015

Life is ironic, hair update and secrets!

OK so my new job is nice, I've even been offered a position higher up as a CA which means more money which is just fabulous because let's face it, I spend money like it's going out of fashion and half the time I don't even know what on... Nevermind... I can learn to budget.
So as far as work is concerned I was doing OK, until the other night I realised something... I have a huge crush on my boss... I mean, could I be anymore stereotypical? Young, new employee rising through the ranks has a major crush on her 30-something year old somewhat good looking (and in a long term relationship might I add) manager.
Reason #7 why I am still single. I fail at life...
I mean he's not even my type.. He's funny I'll give him that and kind and I can joke around with him but he's MY BOSS.. Who is already taken dammit... (am I bad for thinking this is just more of an exciting challenge?)
As I said, I am a terrible person and I fail at life...
You know its not like I intend to be THAT girl.. Clearly I have no morals, even though I thought I did...  I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me like that, he's complimented me but that's just him being a good boss...  I think... Oh God, tell me this isn't gonna be like a seedy office romance...
My mother did have a nightmare the other week about a women attacking me and asking me why I was sleeping with her husband...  Perhaps even my clueless mother has coined in on my maneater ways...
Once more... I fail at life.
More importantly is my hair... Im going through the growing it out but not admitting your growing it out stage.. Ideally I'd like extensions but I'm pretty sure my shaved sides wouldn't allow for it.  Looks like ill be attacking it with hair dye real soon! I have like 3 inches of roots I forgot to deal with!
Speaking of forgetting you know, I genuinely couldn't remember the last time I shaved my legs today... How bad is that!? I mean it was winter and we ladies all leave it a bit longer between shaving, just for the extra warmth... just admit it! However I was looking at my bristly, unkempt, cankles and thought to myself... Exactly when did I shave last?? Got to have been before new year... Holy fuckshits... 
Reason #11 why I am still single... No one wants to date a yeti...
At least my armpits are always tamed as for the neither regions.... Let's not go there...
I've been doing a lot of thinking recently, particularly into why I'm still that annoying friend giving relationship advice without ever really being in a relationship and I thought, it's got to be me?!
Now thanks to the wonders of instagram and it's many filters I now like my face in pictures! (when I take them, of the side of my face, with the camera way above my head, and with as much brightness and contrast as i can muster without turning my face into just one huge white blob with eyes...). And im dealing with my weight, a size 12 isn't the worse thing and I can diet. I don't believe my personality is bad... Therfore my only conclusion is that I'm either too picky or that I have terrible choice in men.
I like to think it's both.
Anyhoos I need sleep, I'll keep u updated on the hair growth, and with the whole boss situation... Damn you feelings!
I'll leave you with some updated hair pictures and some selfies as I am now a selfie whore, although I don't have premium membership... You gotta own a selfie stick for that ...